txcalvin: January 2011

So it's hard to believe, but I've been an American diplomat for exactly 4 weeks now, with one more to go before I'm all sworn in and official-like. It has been, without doubt, the most interesting 4 weeks of my life. Over the course of the training, we've had classes, exercises, meetings, briefings, field trips and warnings about just about everything, including:

*Diplomatic and State Dept. History (In the beginning, there were four Foreign Service Officers)

*Foreign Service Writing (Be brief and insightful. Also, its "U.S." and not "US")

*HR (How to get paid)

*Dept. of Defense (Don't piss these guys off)

*Personal vs. Professional Life (The American community abroad is small and tightly-knit. My colleagues and co-workers are in all liklihood also going to be my next-door neighbors. As such, this is one of the few jobs in the world where you cannot separate your personal and professional lives.)

*USAID (American gives A LOT of money to the rest of the world)

*Career Development (Volunteer for the REALLY hard jobs to get ahead)

*Classified Information (Memorize: "I cannot comment on matters of U.S. Intelligence)

*Public Speaking (Just like on Meet the Press, I have now been trained to answer all your questions without actually answering any of your questions)

*Composure Under Fire (Now I don't get so sweaty if you ask me about waterboarding or Gitmo Bay)

*Dimlomatic Immunity (Hopefully this will never happen to me.)

*WikiLeaks (Memorize: "I will not comment on any alleged diplomatic cables.")

*Team Building and Leadership (Over the course of an amazing weekend in the mountains of West Virginia, we were thrown together under chaotic circumstances and learned to, both literally and figuratively, defuse bombs.)

*Protocol and Representation (Depending on who's entering the room, I may required to either put on my coat, stand, stand and clap, or remain standing and clapping indefinitely.)

*Official Embassy Events/Functions/Parties ("Please do not start an international incident by getting drunk and pissing in the Prime Minister's coat closet. Also refrain from joy riding in the Ambassador's armored vehicle.")

*Bridging the Cultural Divide (In many countries, "Yes" does not mean "yes," but "No" almost always means "no.")

And lots lots more. As you can see, the Foreign Service goes with the "Fire Hose" approach to orientation and has been very frank about the fact that most of the REAL training comes "On the Job."

There has also been no shortage of happy hours. Alas, I've still not found anywhere that compares to C. Hunts in Austin. Customer service in DC is a sham and in my opinion, Washington bartenders couldn't get a job pouring sodas at Sonic in Texas, despite the fact that beers cost twice as much here.

My classmates are an extremely well-heeled, highly educated, very experienced bunch. (We've got Harvard grads, lawyers, military officers, journalists, professors, at least one doctor, and at least one at-risk rural youth counselor.) After hearing all of our Day 1 introductions I was certain that my invitation to join was the result of some clerical error in the HR department. Thankfully, the HR department has assured me that they do not make errors. Yesterday I finally got paid, so I guess this really is for real. Despite my comparatively "thin" resume however, I've come to realize over the course of the past few weeks that I really DO bring something valuable to the table, even amongst this bunch.

So, all of this to say that it's been a helluva ride so far. Training will culminate in the official swearing-in ceremony on Friday, but the REALLY big day is our Flag Day on Monday, when the fates of all 63 of us will be decided. Since November of 2009 when I took the initial test to become a Foreign Service Officer, I've been daydreaming about where in the World I might end up, and what I might be doing There. Now it's just 2 days until I find out. Monday afternoon in a packed auditorium, someone will call me up to a stage and hand me a tiny flag and a thick envelope that contains my future. Which flag will it be? Tajikistan? Italy? Algeria? Ethiopia?

Check back here at 5PM TEXAS time to see where we're headed.

Bring Me My Brown Pants!!